Yup, I know, long time no write. Life happens and tends to get in the way of plans. But today, I’ve got something on my mind.
You know, they say you should always write about what you know. I’ve been seeking knowledge for years, always pushing myself in one way or another. I have pushed myself into learning about history, mythology, theology, science, health, politics, art, and much more. I’ve studied everything from the stories of faeries to the lives of prolific authors, I know the difference between whiskey and whisky, and I can navigate between point A and B in my hometown with my eyes closed. The hardest part is what I don’t know. By personality and character flaw, I’m loath to admit something I don’t understand or readily have knowledge of- oftentimes I gloss over these moments. But, there is a problem with my lack of a particular subject. No, I’m not troubled that I don’t understand advanced trigonometry or that I am not well-versed in programming languages- it’s something much more troubling:
I don’t know myself.
Perhaps it is the root of my writer’s block or the thing which keeps me just unorganized enough to never finish my stories. Maybe it’s not blocking me at all and is just an excuse. Regardless, it’s troubling.
I’ve been seeking myself for years, but instead often find myself seeking else. I start down one path and end up walking down five others. It is as if I have gone into the woods with a destination in mind, only to find myself diverting to chase after an animal or follow the sound of a stream. Having wandered, confused, I am now curled in the roots of a tree, protecting and sheltering myself from the villains that have come and gone in the night. Those who once walked beside me now hunt me and haunt me, long gone on different paths I might or might not have taken. I feel as though I seek comfort in familiarity, but it’s doing me no good in the big picture of things. I drive myself forward in spurts, frustration getting the better of me and sending me from my so-called safety. My emotions are letting fear get the better of me and I’m done with it.
But, what do I know?